The Second Dimension

Star Wars Diary

2010-02-22T07:45:00.008-05:00

Dominic Moschitti and I started a website called StarWarsDiary.com. It's an intimate look into the secret thoughts of your favorite Star Wars characters. Here are some of my favorites:

The Final Destination

2009-09-11T22:20:00.002-04:00

So I just watched The Final Destination, you know the newest one... AKA #4... AKA Final Destination 3D plus 1. That movie was so bad. Let me tell you some ways it was bad:

1. Mykelti Williamson, who played Bubba in Forest Gump and who is amazing in it, is in this movie. Needless to say he is not as amazing.

2. This lady, who is a main character and is given the character name "MILF," says to her kids "I have my EYE on you two." She then dies by getting her eye poked out by a rock.

3. They reuse the "bus hit" gag... twice.

4. The 3D gags are so hokey it's laughable.

5. Almost every death scene involves gasoline or something flammable.

6. This redneck character calls Bubba the N-word and this old guy asks his Chinese nurse "Do you know how many of you I killed in Korea." Oh yeah, and the redneck guy dies while trying to burn a cross on Bubba's front lawn. Seriously. I'm not making this up.

7. The two main characters, played by Bobby Campo and MTV's Nick Zano, wish they were Devon Sawa and Sean William Scott respectively. They should set their bar higher.

8. One of the deaths is ripped directly out of Chuck Palahniuk’s short story “Guts.” You know what I'm talking about.

9. Whenever someone dies, none of their other friends really seem to care that they died horrible and gruesome deaths. They seem to only really care about who is dying next. Also, any law enforcement in the Final Destination world apparently doesn't like to question people who are witnesses to accidents.

10. There is a scene that takes place in a theater where everyone is watching a 3D movie. Seriously. I'm not making this up. They were pushing this 3D thing like it was Coke II. This girl says something to the effect of "It's going to be awesome, it's in 3D."

11. They rip off a shot from "Un chien andalou" and that is probably their greatest offence.

12. The MILF character puts tampons in her kids ears because the Nascar race they are supposed to die at is too loud. Seriously. I'm not making this up.

13. Apparently when Death wants you dead, he uses the Force to move things to trigger Rube Goldberg Death Traps.

All of these are facts. ProTip: avoid at all costs.

Inglourious Plummers

2009-08-16T09:30:00.003-04:00

I made this and it's blowing up the internets. Thanks to the guys and gals over at Gamervision.

Brandon Bird, I love you...

2009-06-21T20:17:00.003-04:00

Gi Joe

2009-05-29T19:36:00.001-04:00

Ugh... This movie looks worse than... I can't think of anything worse than this...

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Terminator Salvation

2009-05-25T18:43:00.002-04:00

Hmmm.... oh McG... So ridiculous... that name looks about as good onscreen as Ludakris or The Rock. Seriously? I'm a pretty big Terminator fan. I could do Terminator 2 line by line , easy money. If I had to rank them...

1. T2
2. Terminator
3. Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles
4. Terminator Salvation
5. Terminator 3

Congrats McG, at least yours was better than T3. Now go join Wolverine in the "Hey, At Least It Wasn't As Bad As The 3rd One" room. Your prize awaits.

Star Trek

2009-05-10T20:08:00.007-04:00

You will see this film or I will maroon you on Ceti Alpha V.

Dragonball Evolution

2009-03-18T10:14:00.002-04:00

Oh. My. God. Someone leaked the entire movie online. It is awful. DBZ was a cool show. I never got crazy into it, but I've seen enough episodes to enjoy it. This movie is so bad. I can't even begin to tell you how bad. It fails as a DBZ movie and double fails as a movie. oh PS - at one point in the movie Winston Zeddemore shows up. I love that guy but even that couldn't save it. Avoid at all costs.

Benjamin Button

2009-01-04T21:14:00.001-05:00

Forest Gump + Never Ending Story - Titanic = Benjamin Button.

Now go see it. You will not regret it.

Wall-E

2008-11-16T18:08:00.003-05:00

Seen it? No? Get on it. Such a great film. It comes out on Blu-Ray and DVD Tuesday. Screw your cheapness woes and pour some money into the economy and pick that it up. Trust me you will not be disappointed.

Blu-ray

2008-09-06T22:52:00.002-04:00

I got bit by the Blu-ray bug. Here's a list of films I want to come out on Blu-ray:

Star Wars
Indiana Jones
LOTR
Sin City
Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair
Garden State
Hard Candy
Fight Club
Brick
Children of Men
Saving Private Ryan

Let's make this happen people.

Google Chrome

2008-09-04T18:47:00.004-04:00

I just typed "Google Chrome" into a Yahoo search. In your face Yahoo!

"Disaster Movie"

2008-08-29T17:11:00.002-04:00

Now I didn't see this movie. I'm talking in a sense where a person would go to the movies and sit and watch a film. I don't think I would ever really see this movie. These guys that make these __(insert genre)__ Movie are such hacks. Like every 6 months one comes out and it just makes me sad. I think these guys just watch trailers, take some pieces from them, and ask a couple of 6 year olds to string together a "plot" connecting these trailer clips. Can't anyone think of something funnier than a cow falling on Iron Man. What does that even have to do with Iron Man? Whatever happened to great parody movie like some Spaceballs or Airplane? I can't wait for the next __(insert genre)__ Movie, where they parody "The Watchmen" by having Dr. Manhattan fart and explode himself. I guess maybe I have seen this movie. I've seen all of the clips from all of the trailers... so if it works for these guys I guess it works for me.

"What Would Jesus Buy?"

2008-08-19T18:58:00.000-04:00

What Would Jesus Buy? 2008

I hate Christmas. Not so much the holiday but the lead up to it. I love Christmas on Christmas. Even like week before, I start to enjoy Christmas. I like spending time with my family and I think people lose sight that family is what Christmas is about.

What Would Jesus Buy is about just that. The documentary film, produced by Morgan Spurlock and Directed by Rob VanAlkemende, follows Reverend Billy and his Church of Stop Shopping. They are part church choir, part street performers, and part activists. The documentary covers their journey across the country, stopping in various cities to spread their gospel of anti-consumerism. The Church wants people to focus more on being with your family than trying to trying to find the perfect gift for them.

I enjoyed the overall film. I found the topic interesting and the execution is great. I feel that the pace slows a bit but Reverend Billy is great and his charm kind of gets you through the rough spots.

Verdict - Solid Rent. Not enough features to buy but interesting enough for a watch.