Monday, February 22, 2010
Star Wars Diary
Dominic Moschitti and I started a website called StarWarsDiary.com. It's an intimate look into the secret thoughts of your favorite Star Wars characters. Here are some of my favorites:
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Final Destination
So I just watched The Final Destination, you know the newest one... AKA #4... AKA Final Destination 3D plus 1. That movie was so bad. Let me tell you some ways it was bad:
1. Mykelti Williamson, who played Bubba in Forest Gump and who is amazing in it, is in this movie. Needless to say he is not as amazing.
2. This lady, who is a main character and is given the character name "MILF," says to her kids "I have my EYE on you two." She then dies by getting her eye poked out by a rock.
3. They reuse the "bus hit" gag... twice.
4. The 3D gags are so hokey it's laughable.
5. Almost every death scene involves gasoline or something flammable.
6. This redneck character calls Bubba the N-word and this old guy asks his Chinese nurse "Do you know how many of you I killed in Korea." Oh yeah, and the redneck guy dies while trying to burn a cross on Bubba's front lawn. Seriously. I'm not making this up.
7. The two main characters, played by Bobby Campo and MTV's Nick Zano, wish they were Devon Sawa and Sean William Scott respectively. They should set their bar higher.
8. One of the deaths is ripped directly out of Chuck Palahniuk’s short story “Guts.” You know what I'm talking about.
9. Whenever someone dies, none of their other friends really seem to care that they died horrible and gruesome deaths. They seem to only really care about who is dying next. Also, any law enforcement in the Final Destination world apparently doesn't like to question people who are witnesses to accidents.
10. There is a scene that takes place in a theater where everyone is watching a 3D movie. Seriously. I'm not making this up. They were pushing this 3D thing like it was Coke II. This girl says something to the effect of "It's going to be awesome, it's in 3D."
11. They rip off a shot from "Un chien andalou" and that is probably their greatest offence.
12. The MILF character puts tampons in her kids ears because the Nascar race they are supposed to die at is too loud. Seriously. I'm not making this up.
13. Apparently when Death wants you dead, he uses the Force to move things to trigger Rube Goldberg Death Traps.
All of these are facts. ProTip: avoid at all costs.
1. Mykelti Williamson, who played Bubba in Forest Gump and who is amazing in it, is in this movie. Needless to say he is not as amazing.
2. This lady, who is a main character and is given the character name "MILF," says to her kids "I have my EYE on you two." She then dies by getting her eye poked out by a rock.
3. They reuse the "bus hit" gag... twice.
4. The 3D gags are so hokey it's laughable.
5. Almost every death scene involves gasoline or something flammable.
6. This redneck character calls Bubba the N-word and this old guy asks his Chinese nurse "Do you know how many of you I killed in Korea." Oh yeah, and the redneck guy dies while trying to burn a cross on Bubba's front lawn. Seriously. I'm not making this up.
7. The two main characters, played by Bobby Campo and MTV's Nick Zano, wish they were Devon Sawa and Sean William Scott respectively. They should set their bar higher.
8. One of the deaths is ripped directly out of Chuck Palahniuk’s short story “Guts.” You know what I'm talking about.
9. Whenever someone dies, none of their other friends really seem to care that they died horrible and gruesome deaths. They seem to only really care about who is dying next. Also, any law enforcement in the Final Destination world apparently doesn't like to question people who are witnesses to accidents.
10. There is a scene that takes place in a theater where everyone is watching a 3D movie. Seriously. I'm not making this up. They were pushing this 3D thing like it was Coke II. This girl says something to the effect of "It's going to be awesome, it's in 3D."
11. They rip off a shot from "Un chien andalou" and that is probably their greatest offence.
12. The MILF character puts tampons in her kids ears because the Nascar race they are supposed to die at is too loud. Seriously. I'm not making this up.
13. Apparently when Death wants you dead, he uses the Force to move things to trigger Rube Goldberg Death Traps.
All of these are facts. ProTip: avoid at all costs.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Terminator Salvation
Hmmm.... oh McG... So ridiculous... that name looks about as good onscreen as Ludakris or The Rock. Seriously? I'm a pretty big Terminator fan. I could do Terminator 2 line by line , easy money. If I had to rank them...
1. T2
2. Terminator
3. Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles
4. Terminator Salvation
5. Terminator 3
Congrats McG, at least yours was better than T3. Now go join Wolverine in the "Hey, At Least It Wasn't As Bad As The 3rd One" room. Your prize awaits.
1. T2
2. Terminator
3. Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles
4. Terminator Salvation
5. Terminator 3
Congrats McG, at least yours was better than T3. Now go join Wolverine in the "Hey, At Least It Wasn't As Bad As The 3rd One" room. Your prize awaits.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
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